“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” — Leonard Cohen
I’ve always been holding a strong belief that life has no coincidence, and that everything comes to me as a guidance to me for living my truth. Swaying between confusions and insights that life brought me, I’m growing towards my authentic self. A lot of enlightenments I experienced come from the peer support groups I’ve joined, from where I’ve built meaningful connections, received support and empowerment, and drew inspirations from other members.
Today, I’d like to share one of my biggest take-aways from the meetings I attended – being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable, from my understanding, is the choice to honestly express our feelings to others, even when knowing the potential risk of being judged and unaccepted. It also means to fully accepting our own feelings, allowing ourselves to feel and embrace them without judgement or avoidance, as being vulnerable cannot be achieved without self-acceptance.
I can’t remember since when I tended to hide my feelings from others and even myself — it’s been so long that the concept of being vulnerable felt almost unfamiliar to me. It likely began with a judgement from peers, or with a conversation from family or friends that turned into a conflict. It may also be linked to perfectionism, in choosing to embrace the mental image of my ideal self and reject anything that fell short of it.
The core barrier towards being vulnerable is our fear of judgement and rejection from not only others, but ourselves.
If it takes so much effort to overcome the fear and rewrite the story of early experiences, why is being vulnerable worth it?
To me, coming to understand the concept of being vulnerable feels like a key to the door of living my truth, allowing me to reconcile with myself and fully accept who I am. I’ve only just realized how much strength it truly takes to be vulnerable.
I started to see that light cannot exist without darkness, strength cannot exist without weakness, courage cannot exist without fear, and kindness cannot exist without guilt. If I were to write a fiction, and depict a character who is brave enough to defeat a strong villain, how would I write her? Would I say that she possessed the strongest power in the world, pointing her sword towards the villain without a trace of fear? No, that’s too simple for a hero.
I’d give her weaknesses, moments of fear, a few loved ones, and unshakeable faith, to see how she’d be determined to stand in front of the villain, with trembled arms and tightened fists, battling for the light. I’d give her a broken childhood, moments of struggles, a few losses, and unwavering love, to see how she’d resist and fight against the world, before choosing to embrace it. In that moment, I realized why I need to let go of my perfectionism and embrace all of myself.
Another fascinating aspect of being vulnerable is that when I once thought that being vulnerable would drive us far away from close connections because of others’ judgements and rejections, it actually brought us closer. I realized that when hiding parts of myself, the person in others’ eyes is never my true self; it is, instead, an illusion they create in their mind. If I am not real, the relationship is not real either.
True relationships begins when people see all of you, your weaknesses and struggles, and still love you deeply with their heart.
Each time I join a peer support group, I see how empathy and understanding emerged from shared struggles and vulnerabilities, and that’s when connection and empowerment thrive.
Now I’m still on the path of being vulnerable, both in peer support groups and daily interactions. I’m learning to be aware of my true feelings and to embrace all of them with love and acceptance. I believe that one day, I’ll be able to freely communicate my feelings not just in groups, but with people around me as well, and that’ll be the time when I fully live my truth.
